Thank You, Mr. President, For Not Making Us Panic!

Mark Tiller
3 min readSep 13, 2020

Right, I guess that’s the only other thing you could have done to tell us how dangerous COVID-19 was. Well, it’s a good thing you didn’t, because surely there would have been chaos in the streets, mass suicide, and maybe even civil war. I read on social media that when Obama scared us about Ebola, grandmothers shaved their heads, teenagers stopped playing video games, nobody brushed their teeth, and there was no Parmesan to be found in the grocery stores!

Today, Ronna McDaniel, Chair of the Republican National Committee, compared Trump’s comments with George W. Bush’s calm response after 9/11. Yes, I remember that well — Bush told New Yorkers “Aww, shucks, this is sort of like a good ole West Texas dust storm — it’s inconvenient and will require some cleanup, but we’ve got it under control.” Bush was following in his father’s footsteps who in 1990 reassured us after Saddam Hussein’s Iraqi army occupied Kuwait: “This will not stand… because Saddam Hussein will surely withdraw his forces in a few months and it will miraculously go away.”

Trump compared himself to the steady hands of British Prime Minister Churchill and President Roosevelt during WWII. Of course, we have all read Churchill’s famous declaration in May 1940 when the Nazi threat loomed: “I have nothing to offer but flowers, relaxation, champagne, and laughter.” Churchill wisely averted the panicky British people from desperately pouring hot tea over their heads and hanging pictures of Hitler in pubs. Ditto Roosevelt’s sage analogy in December 1940: “Suppose my neighbor’s home catches fire… well, let’s not panic — it probably won’t spread to our homes.” It’s the same reason Americans were not even told there were any casualties in Europe or the Pacific — to avoid hysteria.

I see this no differently in my personal life. I’m thankful that my doctor recently told me there is no need for blood or urine tests in my annual checkup, as that might needlessly cause stress — a major contributor to high blood pressure. (Not to mention it makes his numbers look bad.) My mechanic advised me that the squealing noise my brakes are making will just suddenly stop — whew, good to know. My neighbors recently said their dog was barking like crazy the day someone broke into my back door… I’m glad they didn’t call me at the time, as that would have made me very concerned! The roofer explained that my leak was pretty small, and as long as it didn’t rain it shouldn’t be a problem… well, that sure is a relief; otherwise, I’d have that hanging over my head and would have to address it. Speaking of rain, I appreciate the reassuring weather forecaster on the verge of the hurricane who told us “it’s just rain, folks!”

On the other hand, my insurance agent told me my house insurance had lapsed — dammit, now I have to waste time and money dealing with this hassle.

So, again — thank you for your fearless, maskless leadership, President Trump, and for taking all the burden on your broad and noble shoulders to shield the rest of us simpletons from anxiety. Every time I see you ridicule a reporter for wearing a mask, I laugh at the “suckers and losers” who think they may die from COVID-19!

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